You Can't See Me
by ProfessionallyCrazedTrigunFan
Summary: My lungs were going to explode in a few seconds, but I couldn't stop running. I was pretty sure I was going to fall over right then and there from the incredibly painful stitch in my side. But I would not. Could not. There was too much at stake.
1. Lost

Hey. n.n This is my first YYH fic, but don't worry, I'll try not to write some shallow plotless thing that's so intensely boring that you fall asleep at the keyboard. Anyways, I thought this up while I was eating lunch and watching TV. Where my inspiration came from I have no idea, as it certainly didn't come from the Fairly Odd Parents. o.O' But yeah. Anyway. On to the fic, which, by the way, shall be told in Keiko's point of view.

**Disclaimer**: Don't own Yu Yu Hakusho. If I did...I'd move in with Rumiko Takahashi and Yoshihiro Togashi and create extremely odd and explicit SM/YYH crossovers and air them. But I don't. So sadly, you'll just have to suffer the loss.

Oh, what's this? Another disclaimer?

**Disclaimer**: I in no way endorse Kuwabara's career as Spirit Detective. In fact, I'm strongly against it. It's just a plot twist I needed for the story. I felt that that needed to be explained, especially since no one in their right mind would make Kuwabara the spirit detective. Even Koenma's not that dumb.

Oh. And another note. I know. This is getting annoying. But I'm getting there. I promise. Anyway, in case you were wondering, this fic takes place after the Dark Tournament but before the Sensui Arc. Meaning they haven't met Kaitou and his little friendy friends yet (can't remember their names x.x). Okay. _Now_ I'll start the fic.

**You Can't See Me **

**Keiko's POV**

Armageddon hasn't come. The world hasn't stopped spinning. My heart's still beating and I'm still alive. But I feel like the walking dead. I want to blame somebody..anybody...but I can't. I really want to blame Koenma and Botan...it really is their fault anyway. But no. I can't blame them either. I want to hate him for doing this. Why the hell did this have to happen anyway? I'm still not clear on the details..I doubt I ever will be. I wasn't there.But according to Botan's account...

_**Flashback**_

_"Damn he's a big one. You got a plan, Urameshi?" Kuwabara scowled. Yusuke merely flashed him that cocky grin. "Yeah." "Well what is it?! We don't have time to act stupid!" Hiei glared at the black-haired boy. Yusuke merely cracked his knuckles and laughed. "Alright, here it is: You three stand back while I kick his ass." _

_"Damnit Urameshi don't be a cocky bastard!" Yusuke scowled at that. "Baka, you wanted a plan so I gave you one. A damn good one too." Hiei snorted in disgust and rolled his eyes. "That was the most ill-thought out and incredibly stupid plan I've ever heard." Yusuke socked short fire demon in the shoulder. "Who asked you anyway?" _

_"Uh..guys..." Kurama indicated over to the monstrous demon, who was snarling and drooling all over himself. He was presently moving toward them. Yusuke narrowed his eyes and prepared to kick ass. "Okay. Screw the plan. Just go!" _

_Kuwabara charged at the demon, attempting to pierce its hide with his spirit sword. But to no avail. The monster's skin was tougher than the toughest concrete and no puny spirit sword was going to cut through it. Not even Kurama's rose whip, nor Hiei's sword would cut him. _

_Yusuke took his stance as he prepared to fire his Shot Gun. He did a quick scan, searching for any weakness in the demon. There was none. Not that he could see anyway. He pulled his fist back, his fist glowing blue with spirit energy. _

_"SHOT GUN."_

_The demon merely swatted away the bullets of energy as though they were flies. Yusuke growled in fury, and charged straight at the demon, his rage blinding his common sense. He didn't hear the desperate cries of the others to stop, only the roar of blood in his ears._

_The demon swung his arm back, preparing to make it meet Yusuke's head. Yusuke was so focused on charging at his midsection, he didn't see the arm coming. And once the arm made contact with his head, he saw nothing._

_**End Flashback**_

He was in the hospital for three weeks. We explained to the doctors that he's been in the head by a falling beam while walking by a construction site. They said he was lucky to be alive. But now....I think death would have been kinder...for all of us. It would have been enough if he had merely had a concussion or gone into a coma. But this...now I look at him and he doesn't see me. He looks at me and sees straight through me. He doesn't know me.

Yusuke Urameshi...lost his memory.

A/N: Okay. This was only like the prolouge, but I didn't want to put that as the chapter name and mess up all the chapters. That annoys me. I don't know how long this fic is going to be, and I honestly can't tell you if it's going to have a happy ending. So just review and let me know what you think. This is my first shot at angst, but I think I have a knack for it.


	2. Invisible

**Disclaimer**: Don't own Yu Yu Hakusho. Don't own the characters. Don't own even the background scenes. Wish I owned Puu though. But I don't.

**You Can't See Me**

**Chapter 2 - Invisible**

Atsuko assured me that Yusuke would be at school today. It's been two weeks since he got out of the hospital. His memory is probably back by now. I mean, the blow to his head couldn't have been that bad, right? He would probably show up late, take his usual seat in the back of the class and bicker with Kuwabara. I'll have to go find him up on the roof and he'll make some perverted comments, flip my skirt and other such things. A normal day.

I just walked through the gates to Sarayashiki Jr. High and the sight that greets my eyes leaves my jaw slack. Well. It appears that Yusuke made it to school today. But I think that blow to the head really did go to his brain. Because Yusuke Urameshi is actually wearing our school uniform. Not his favorite green one. The _actual school uniform_. He's even got books under his arms! I walk over to him.

"Hey Yusuke. Feeling better?" He looks at me funny. It should have dawned on me then. Then it might not have hurt so much. "Do I know you? I'm Yusuke Urameshi." He holds out his hand for me to shake. I can only stare at it. My body has frozen. My mind is numb. Slowly, it feels as if time itself is slowing down, I reach out to take his hand. A bolt of pain shoots through my heart. '_He doesn't remember me. He still doesn't remember anything.' _I felt the tears gathering in the corners of my eyes.

"You okay?" He tilts his head to the side and looks at me with concern. "Fine." I mumble. I suddenly feel as if there is no air around me. My breathing becomes labored and my vision hazy. I don't want to think about this, but it's the only thing my mind seems to be able to focus on. I hear the two minute bell start to ring. Yusuke smiles at me and checks his watch. '_Since when does he have a watch?'_ "Gotta go or I'm gonna be late for class. Maybe we can talk later or something." He runs off into the building. My body still refuses to move. I can hear my heart pounding against my chest. The blood is rushing through my ears and it feels as though time stands still. Since when had Yusuke ever cared about being on time for class? Or being there at all? It feels like someone has taken the Yusuke I know and replaced him with some ordinary person.

Somehow I made it to class. My feet must have autopilot because my brain certainly didn't tell them to go anywhere. At my desk, I'm not listening to a word the teacher is saying. Staring at my desk, the only words that swirl endlessly through my mind are the ones he had spoken to me this morning. "_Do I know you?_" The teacher just said something, but my preoccupied mind refuses to acknowledge what it was. But then I hear _his _voice. Answering the question. I look over at him, completely dumbfounded in my own right. Since when has Yusuke ever answered a question? And voluntarily for that matter?

The class bell signaling free period rang. I run as fast as my legs can carry me up to the roof. His favorite spot. But when I look around the corner, no one's there. I can feel the hopeful smile that had somehow implanted itself on my face fade away. I can feel my heart plummeting into a dark chasm in my chest. My body sways of its own accord and crumples against the wall. But the tears would not come. I have to move. I have to leave. But my body refuses my brain's demands. All rational thoughts are rejected as the all-consuming pain sinks through my pores to strike at my sensitive heart.

Finally I force my legs to move. Only my concentrating entirely on moving could I do so at all. As I make it back down the stairs I hear the bell signaling the end of school. Other students rush past me on their way to freedom while I only concentrate on making one step at a time.

I've been walking for a while now and it's just occured to me that I have no idea where I'm going. But something in me's guiding me there and there's no point in arguing with it. I keep walking until I come to a halt and realize exactly what building I'm standing in front of. Why would I come here? Why would I bother? I'm standing in front of Yusuke's apartment building. I slowly trudge up the stairs, not knowing what to expect.

I stop suddenly as my fist is mere centimeters from the door. _Why?_ Atsuko. I need to talk to Atsuko. I don't know why. I just do. So I knock on the door. A surprisingly sober Atsuko opens the door. For some reason there's a sad expression imprinted on her face. Almost of regret. She beckoned me in without a word. She hands me a cup of tea as though she'd been expecting me. There's still a deafening silence. Somehow it's comfortable and I don't even know how to begin a conversation I didn't know I needed anyway.

Atsuko sighs heavily and I sense that the thing she's about to tell me will not be something I want to ever hear. But she doesn't say anything. She just stands and walks over to the door to Yusuke's room. She motions for me to join her. She puts as a hand on my shoulder and the look that she sends me is silently begging me to understand, to not feel the pain I know I'm about to feel.

She opens the door, and that's the last thing I can clearly remember. The rest seems like it came from someone else's memories. Yusuke was sitting on his bed. But he wasn't the only one sitting there. There was a gorgeous blonde girl with her arms around him, his lips pressed into her neck. I recognized her from one of my classes. My immediate thought was to transfer out of that class. Better yet, the school. Or maybe just my life.

I can only stand horridly transfixed by the sight. I stand drinking in the image as though it were my lifeline, the only thing holding me to this world. My life is one thing. My sanity another thing entirely. Something in my brain registers what I'm seeing and the next thing I see is the streets rushing by me, my hair whipping in my face, as though trying to slap me back to reality. I wish it wouldn't. I wish I could stay in this numb chaos of my thoughts forever.

I reach my house and wrench open the door, as though ripping it off the hinges with spare me my agony. The sound of my shoes slapping against the stairs fills my ears but my mind never registers it. I reach my room and slam the door behind me. I don't even pause to remove my shoes. My fist shattered the mirror above my vanity, the shards of piercing glass falling around me. My own crimson blood oozes down my knuckles. Anger fills the emptiness that had pervaded me only minutes before.

The blood flowing from my cuts felt good. I want to feel more pain. The more physical pain I felt, the less my inner torture ripped at my sanity, threatening to drag me into the dark abyss of madness. I needed something. Anything to ease this acidic pain. I nearly brake the door down in my haste to reach the bathroom. I throw open the cabinets, searching, until at last my razor is located. I stare at the shaving blade for a long moment.

No. Any other girl desperate to drive herself down the road of suicide would use razors. I feel a burning desire to be different. It suddenly clicks in my mind. I take the stairs four at a time down to where mom's craft room is. I know exactly which drawer it's in. I grab the boxcutter and run back upstairs to my room. Locking the door, I go to sit among the scattered glass shards. Staring at them for a moment, they remind me of what I feel remind now. Shattered. Betrayed. Alone. Helpless. Angry and sharp. I wanted to feel the bite of the sharp edge of the cold metal in my skin.

I take up the boxcutter in my hand and begin carving into my wrist.


	3. Forsaken

Do you know what's even more annoying than being repeatedly asked stupid questions? Writing in present tense. So screw it. I'm writing in past tense from now on whether you like it or not. So nyah. Okay. There's my little complaint for the day.

10/13/04 - Let me just state: I am SOOOOO sorry. My IE crashed and I couldn't update anything. I didn't even go near my computer for practically 2 weeks. And no. This is NOT the end. It will be nice and long and juicy. Besides. I mentioned that Kuwabara will be SD. That must come into play before the story can end, right? Right? RIGHT?!?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! I am calm. I am in control. Stupid alternate personality.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. -takes permanent marker and scribbles out "not" and runs away.-

**You Can't See Me**

**Chapter 3 - Forsaken**

Deafening silence. Some say it's beautiful. To me, it was screaming in my ears. My parents didn't say a word when they got home and saw my mirror. They hadn't seen my arm. Mom merely told me to sweep up the glass and went back downstairs. But I didn't want to. Somehow, the shards of glass scattered across the floor were beautiful. Just like the blood dripping down my arms. It all seemed unreal. Like it was happening to someone else.Not me. Never me. I was too perfect for something of this magnitude to happen to.

So I sat on the floor, surrounded by my broken glass, which reminded me of how I felt inside presently. This was wrong. This wasn't reality. It couldn't be. I pulled up my sleeve and gazed with satisfaction at the words I had carved into my arm. '_Dark is my soul_'. And by then it was. My heart was a barren, bleak wasteland. Laid waste by the storms of pain that had wracked it.

The following day, I made sure my arm was covered. Others needn't see my sufferring. It's not their place to care. Their whispers reached my ears as I passed. By now word of Yusuke's new woman had reached their ears. And I was a central topic of discussion as well. They wanted to know why we had broken up. I was asked this several times today. I replied to their incessant pestering by merely staring indifferently at them.

My despondancy is not for them to know. It is for myself, and for him. She will never know his deepest fears. The secrets he locks away in his heart. But I wondered. There had been secrets he'd kept from even me. Would he tell all his new secrets to her now? Would she be his constant companion, his confidant? My fingers twitched. My hands longed for the boxcutter, to once again beautifully defile my arms.

First, the indifference. Then, the questioning. And now the anger and impetulance. It wasn't fair. It was not fucking fair. She did not deserve him. She did not deserve to walk to school with him every morning. To see his face smiling at her every time he saw her. She had his love, his smiles, his laughter. But I had something greater. Something she would never have, no matter how much he would love her.

I had his soul. His other half. The physical form of his inner self. I had Puu. That would never change. And Puu still loved me. When he had seen what I had done to my arms, he cried. He cried for me. As I know Yusuke would have done if he could see what I had become. A meaningless, empty shell, devoid of caring. My grades never wavered, no matter how rough my emotions became. But they meant nothing. Once, I had taken pride in them. No more.

I took pride in nothing. Nothing except the beautiful art carved into my skin. I doubted the marks would ever fade now. But to me, they were not hideous. They were not something to face with horror and mock sympathy. No. The marks were my expression of myself. It was the Requiem of my Soul. Nothing less. I want no pity from them. Those poor pitiful fools who walk thinking the world belongs to them, and they are all knowing and all powerful. I laugh at their naivete. I laugh at how naive I had been. Believing that love would conquer all.

But love does not conquer amnesia. Love does not conquer the profound loss of itself. Rather, it torments, feeding on the pain of that love. And thus it grows. Fooling its bearer into thinking that they are invincible. They aren't. No one is.

As the days passed, with Yusuke's memory showing no tangible sign of return, I began to desire an oblivion like Yusuke's. I wanted to forget. Like he had. I wanted the bliss that came with ignorance. Rather than the hell that came with cynical wisdom. But there was only one place I could seek that kind of sweet release. My heart was ready. My head, however, told me otherwise. It is the fear that is instilled in every human being at birth. Some conquer it, others fall victim to it. It is the simple fear of Death.

Or maybe I was holding out on some fruitless hope that somehow Yusuke would be returned to me. The stupid hope that fools believe in. I no longer wanted anything out of life. Only the desire not to feel remained within me. Day after day, hour after endless hour, time slipping by like grains of sand through my fingers.

Sometimes I wondered. Wondered how far he and little miss slut had gone. Had he given her pleasure? These thoughts brought the worst out in me. Once the thought had been planted in my head, thanks to the spread rumors that I disdain to listen to, I couldn't concentrate on anything else. I became even more of a recluse. I got less than three hours of sleep everynight, for thinking of it incessantly.

The thought became a living thing, twisting and turning in my mind, until it possessed me entirely. I had soon convinced myself that it was true. I wanted to kill her. I even wanted to kill him. But even more, I wanted to destroy myself. So I set about to do just this. I stopped eating. I grew thinner and thinner and the shadows under my eyes became more pronounced. I came up with more and more creative ways to draw my own blood. I couldn't stop. It was a drug, an adrenaline pumping in my veins that would not release me.

No one ever looked me in the eyes anymore. I didn't want them to. What would they see? Death? Despair? Insanity? I don't know. My shattered mirror no longer tells me anything. And I don't want to know. Even Botan will no longer approach me. They all fear my now-violent moods. I want no one's company. I don't need them. Why would I? The fools are only sucking up air. Air that I don't want clogging up my lungs, allowing me to breathe. I should thank them for hogging it.

My parents want me to see a doctor. Well jolly ol' fuck. What's he going to do. Tell me what's wrong with me? Feh. Only **_I_** know what's wrong with me. And there is no cure. They think therapy will help? Let them live in their dream. It amuses me. Gives me something to ponder on. Other than those dark, damning thoughts.

Monday, he was with her again. What else was new. He was always with her. It's like he's an extra fricking limb attached to her neck. God. I hate her. I hate him. I hate myself. I hate myself because I want to hurt him so very badly, as much as he's hurt me, but I know that if I did he would never understand. Because he doesn't _remember_ me. Oh yes. And there we are. The heart of the matter.

Who's the one really sufferring from Yusuke's memory loss? Him or me? He has he bliss of not knowing, of forgetfulness.While I...I remember everything. I still see him as my Yusuke. My Yusuke, when he now belongs to her. The bitch.

After school, I stood standing in the pouring rain. Apparently Koenma was organizing some kind of meeting. I rolled my eyes. I couldn't see why he insisted that my presence was necessary. I don't have any damn spirit powers. I sighed.

I closed my eyes. Just for a minute. I wanted to feel the rain drops caressing my eyelids. Just for a second. But seconds turned to minutes, and to me time seemed to stand still. The rain was my inner agony, and yet somehow it felt cleansing, healing. Like my pain and self-inflicted torture didn't exist. And I did something I hadn't done in a long time. Something that felt out of place with my thoughts and yet felt right with my sould.

I prayed.

With my head lifted to the sky, and hands clasped in reverence, I knew not what god I prayed to. I prayed for Yusuke. Prayed that he would find happiness within his new life. His life that did not involve me and my unhappiness. I prayed for my parents. All they had done was care and I still kept pushing them away. But I didn't know what else to do. I prayed for Botan, and for all of Yusuke's other friends, that they might forgive me my selfishness.

And for myself. I prayed for an answer, a way to live without the pain. Or to leave the pain behind in death. But if I could have neither, than all I wanted was to escape. Just for a minute. To stand outside of myself and not feel it.

Somebody help me.

No. This is not the end either. Stop thinking that. -smacks you with a newspaper.- Bad person. Baaaaad. Anyways. Onto a less violent conversation. I like the ending. I wanted to end this chapter with a feeling of helplessness and lost..ness...yeah. Anyway. And if you didn't get that,well read the dern thing over and over until you do. So nyah.

And it's my birthday this Saturday. So wish me a happy friggen birthday or I'll stalk you and eat your shoes.


	4. Desecrated

-sighs.- Yes. I know. You hate me. I know what you're screaming at your monitor: "YOU STUPID STUPID (insert insulting nasty word here), DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DAMN UPDATE! I SHOULD SHOOT YOU!". I know, I know. But I was grounded for two weeks, and I am a really really bad procrastinator. With a lot of homework. So nyah. Anyways. I'll try to be better about this and also update my other stories soon. But I'm a bitch and I'm sorry.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. If I ever claim otherwise, I give you permission to peel my skin off with a toothbrush.

**You Can't See Me**

**Chapter 4 - Desecrated**

That afternoon after standing in the rain praying my heart out, I went to Koenma's little meeting. I did not expect what would happen. Although, deep down, I really did. But when these kind of things happen, you pray that things will stay the same. That if you change nothing, everything will go back to being how it used to be. Not so. And I should have known. And I did. But I chose to ignore it.

When I saw the look on the young god's face I knew something was wrong. That something was going to change, and it would affect me. In a big way. Everyone was there. Botan, Ayame, Kurama, Hiei, Kuwabara, Genakai, even Hinageshi. Each with a different variation of grimness written all over their faces. And in that instant it hit me. They knew something I did not. They knew why we were here, while I remained ignorant.

I had been so wrapped up in my self-loathing that I failed to see the larger effects of Yusuke's amnesia. I could tell that it was with heavy heart that Koenma began to speak, Botan clutching at his arm to support him, and likely herself as well. Attired in his garb for the mortal world as a teenager, the overlord of Spirit World suddenly looked unfathomably old to me. There were lines in his face that had not been there before. His eyes...so much pain and suffering, unlike my own which effectively concealed my emotions.

And he spoke.

"Friends. I know that is a hard time for you. Some harder than for others." His glance flickered to me for a mere second before once again staring determinedly straight ahead, as though it would nullify the pain. "But we cannot sit idly by while the world is still in danger and still in need of someone to protect it. Given Yusuke's current...dilemma...he no longer fulfills the qualifications to perform his duties as Spirit Detective of Earth."

His words slammed into me, numbing my brain, freezing my tongue.

"Yusuke is irreplacable and I doubt that anyone could match him in spirit or otherwise. But it must be done. This choice was not easy. But it had to be made. Botan, the briefcase." I watched, as though from a distance in slow motion, as Botan handed the case full of Yusuke's spirit gadgets over to him.

"I decided that it would be best to choose one of you, since I know and trust you, and I know that you are aware of Yusuke's wishes and what he would want." _Damn Koenma, _ I thought. _How the hell would he know what Yusuke would want?_ I could feel the damning tears I had never allowed myself to cry begin to form at the corners of my eyes. Koenma continued without noticing my recession into myself.

"However, since Botan is technically not human, and Hiei and Kurama are demons, I cannot allow you to take on the role of Earth's protector. So, Kuwabara, that task now lies in you hands." The silence that proceeded these words was familiarly deafening. Not even Hiei could grind out a protest or insult. Kurama still retained his former expression. Yukina was sobbing softly into Kuwabara's shirt. Kuwabara's face held a look of grave solemnity upon it, as though he were serenely accepting his death sentence.

_Oh God. Don't tell me he just said that. Please tell me he didn't just say that. **"KOENMA, YOU STUPID BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU EVEN CONSIDER REPLACING YUSUKE WITH THIS LUDICROUS MONKEY OF A MAN! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!" **_It was not my intention to say those words. Nor was it my intention to swing my hand back and deliver a stunning blow to the side of his face. But I did.

I knew I was being selfish. I knew I was. I knew that Earth needed a protector now that Yusuke was gone. But I had ceased to give a damn anymore. To me it felt as though Koenma were defiling some holy title that should be held by Yusuke alone. But I knew the real reason for these feelings. If Koenma named Kuwabara as Yusuke's successor, that would make everything final.

Yusuek would be gone forever. It would make this whole stupid blasted unthinkable unreality real. He would be lost to all of us, to me. To accept Kuwabara in Yusuke's rightful place would be to damn Yusuke and myself. I could not do that. No matter how much I hated him for leaving me all alone, no matter how much I hated myself for wishing he had never saved that little boy in the first place.

I could not feel the others' incredulous, hurt stares boring into my skull. All I could feel was my heart breaking. I had tried to delay it for so long, kept myself wrapped up in my fragile shell to protect myself from the pain of giving in to reality. But I couldn't hide anymore. The shell, along with my heart, was shattering into a million pieces and falling to the ground at my feet. I was screaming obscenities and god knows what else at them. Damning them for accepting what I knew to be real, but did not want to see.

And then I ran. I have no idea how long I was running or where I was running to. The rain was still coming down in torrents, beating against my skin in no particular rhythm. I ran blindly, unthinkingly, to think would be to die. So I kept blindly running to some unknown destination, not caring what would become of me once I reached it. I vaguely felt my foot snag on something. I can only remember falling...and then darkness.

I emerged from the encompassing darkness sometimes later, to the feel of someone shaking my shoulder. But I did not open my eyes. Maybe if they thought I was dead they would just leave well enough alone and leave. I heard a voice from far away calling me, pleading with me to wake up. I could not discern the nature of the voice in my bleary haze.

The voice grew louder, more insistent. I focused on the voice, trying to follow it back to the world. My eyelids were so heavy. I felt my body being cradled in somebody's arms. I could dimly hear their words..."_Wake up..."_ I struggled to reach the voice, pushing up from the dark depths of my subconscious mind. I focused on the arms holding me now. The person holdy me was clearly male, if his muscular arms were anything to judge by.

Great. Just great. Just what I needed, another male saviour. Well, screw him, I didn't want another saviour. He could just go rot. I opened my eyes and mouth to tell him so, when my breath caught in my throat. I could feel the tears, unimpeded, burning trails down my cheeks. It was him. To me, it was as if time had frozen and I could just stay there forever in his arms, watching him.

His expression was confused. I understood that he could not understand my actions. I lifted mysefl and cuddled up against him, just to feel his warmth and once again breathe in the masculine scent that was purely Yusuke. In that frozen moment, it didn't matter that he didn't know who I was, or that I had lost all that was dear to me. That singular moment belonged to me. It was a remnant of who we used to be that I would use to cling to in the days, weeks, and months to come.

In that instant, he belonged to me again, the way it was supposed to be. It was just him, me, and the pouring rain soaking us without our noticing. He shifted me so that he could look me in the eye with those beautiful confused chocolate brown eyes. I gave him the smile that I reserved solely for him, the first smile to cross my lips in weeks. It was as though my muscles had forgotten how to smile.

I could tell, just by looking into his eyes. He wanted to remember. But the blow retained to his head dictated that he would not. There were no words exchanged between the two of us that night. He helped me stand and we walked in silence to my house. He never questioned me as to where we were going . It was a silent understanding, like an unspoken secret kept between lovers.

After the door to my room was shut, I bent down to finally pick up the pieces of shattered glass. But I did not throw them away. There would come a time when I could throw them away, just as there would be a time that I could throw away this counterfeit self that I had created, and become my real self again. But that day was still far off. I still had a long ways to go. All of us did.

As I climbed into bed and pulled the covers over me, Puu flopped onto my bed and snuggled up beside me. I held him close, it helped me feel closer to him, and in a way I was. That night could be described as my salvation. But I still had more trials to endure, more tests of faith and love. I could only pray that I would have the courage to endure what seemed to vast and impossible.

But if Yusuke could endure the loss of his memory, then I could endure the loss of him. But not forever. Nobody can last forever. Not under that sort of pain.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Little bitty change from all the angst. For those of you who dislike entirely angsty stuffs. But don't worry, more angstyness to come, yadda yadda yadda. I thought that was sweet. But maybe that's just because its one o'clock in the morning. Oh well. Screw it. I wanna ask you guys something. Do you want me to write a little segment from another character's POV? If you would, tell me which one and I'll see if I can incorporate it in. I mean don't get me wrong, I love writing from Keiko's POV. There's hardly anything out there from strictly her POV. But I just figured you guys must be getting tired of all the monolouges. But oh well. If you are, well, doom on you.

-Alicia


	5. Blind

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Yusuke, his thoughts, or even a dribble of his saliva. However I do own the computer on which particular chapter and the other 4 were written. So nyah.

**You Can't See Me**

**Chapter 4 - Blind**

Flashes. Everytime I close my eyes. I can see brief glimpses of something undefinable, things I know I've seen before but I can't place. It doesn't seem to fit with the life I'm living. Thank god for Yuki or I would have never made it through that head injury I got from that falling structural beam. She's been there for me night and day, like an extra limb. I'm really grateful for her presence. I honestly don't know what I do without her.

But something keeps nagging at me. I can't explain it. But everytime I glance at that Yukimura girl, I get the strangest feeling that I know her from somewhere, even though I know I don't. She's just some classmate that I've gone through school with for the past 9 years. Yuki assures me that I've never gotten to know her outside of class. It's strange, but sometimes I feel like there's things I've forgotten.

I guess I'm still just a little offbalance from the accident. Oh well. It will go away eventually. But tonight I've got a date with Yuki. I'm taking her out to the movies to see some chick flick she wants to see. I'll be bored to death, but hey, I'll reap my rewards afterward. Heh. Funny, though, whenever I tell ma that I'm going out with Yuki, she gives me this disgusted look, not as though she's disgusted with me, but at the thought of Yuki. Can't imagine why.

Anyway, that night when I was walking home from the movies, I was taking a shortcut through the old park. Jeez, the rain was coming down in bucketloads, I felt like I was in a fricking washing machine. And I tripped. Over something big. I cursed gravity all the way down. Rolling over, I looked over to see that the thing I had tripped over was an unconscious girl.

'_Hey. It's that Yukimura girl. What's she doin' out here? And totally zonked out too.'_ I poked her. Nothing. I gently shook her by the shoulders. Still no response. "Hey. Wake up." I tried shaking her again. "Hey, Yukimura, wake up!" Crap, what was her first name? I couldn't for the life of me remember. I turned her over onto her back. Her face was incredibly pale. "Oh jeez. If anyone comes by they'll think I tried to molest her. Or kill her. Darnit, Yukimura, wake up!"

Finally, a groan escaped her lips and her eyes opened. She blinked a couple of times and just stared at me. I realized I was still holdiing her and blushed a little. She sat up in my lap and just continued to stare at me like I'd grown an extra freaking head or something. Only she wasn't staring at me like I was a freak. There was a starving look in her eyes, like she'd been wandering in the desert and had finally found water.

I swear she has to have the biggest brown eyes I've ever seen. I dunno if it's makeup or what, since a lot of girls use that crap to make their eyes look bigger to attract guys. But somehow I don't think Yukimura would do that. Not to mention that in this downpour, any makeup she might have been wearing would be long gone anyway.

So anyways here I was with this girl that I knew but didn't know sitting in my lap staring up at me with the weirdest expression on her face. For any other guy this would have been an advantageous situation, but all it did for me was cause a strange ache in my chest. Then suddenly she ceased to stare at my face and curled herself against me. I was about to yell "Hey, whoa whoa whoa, what the crap!" when she uttered a sort of sob, and the words died in my throat.

Once again I got the feeling that I knew her as more than just a classmate, despite what Yuki had said. I sat there trying to wrack my brain for any and all information it contained about this Yukimura girl, but I couldnt even come up with her first name. That and it gave me this horrible headache when I tried to remember. I winced and nearly doubled over, but Yukimura didn't seem to notice.

After a while, we came to a silent agreement that it was time to go. It was funny how nothing needed to be said between us, sort of like an automatic understanding. I wanted to make sure she got home safely, but that was a problem since I had no idea where the crap she lived. Apparently my feet did though since they had no trouble keeping up with Yukimura, and even occasionally took the lead.

After about 20 minutes of walking we reached some restaurant, which is apparently where she lives. We looked at each other for a long moment. The blinding headache and ache in my chest returned. With a slight nod, Yukimura dug out her keys and unlocked the door to the restaurant. She didn't look back as she went inside. I stood there for a few more minutes, just staring at the sign. This place...it too looked familiar but I couldn't ever remember going in. And obviously Yukimura's family owned it.

Eventually I turned away, retracing my steps home. I thought a lot about what happened that night. Somehow I think it made Yukimura happy that it was me that found her, although I could not explain this crazy thought. Everytime I try to think about her beyond tonight I get that awful headache. It's crazy and I don't know why, but I think Yukimura is some how an important connection between me and what happened before the accident.

Or maybe I'm just tired out of my mind. That's gotta be it. All that making out, chick flicks, and saving damsels in distress takes a lot out of a guy. I got home about eleven thirty and ran straight up the stairs to the apartment. Mom's asleep in her futon, so I tiptoed to the kitchen. Making a loud racket I dug in the cabinet until I found some BC powder and I chugged it down with a glass of water.

I slipped into my nice, warm bed gratefully. Definitely one of the weirdest nights I've had in a while. The headache powder started to take effect and I could feel the headache start to dissipate. My eyelids grew heavy and I started to doze. Right at the very instant when I was about to fall completely asleep, I sat bolt upright. It hit me. Her name. Yukimura's name.

"Keiko..."


	6. Untouchable

Do you know what is so freaking screwed up? I saw on TV that this white rapper dude (can't think of the name. don't really want to.) came out with an album. You know what it's called? Damn right. "You Can't See Me". Stole my freaking title. I should sue. Even though I didn't copyright this title. Probably should have since you like it so much. But yeah. Feel my anger radiating through your monitor. P.S. If that white rapper dude happens to be one of my reviewers...Your Momma. Actually, if you really wanna know where I got the title for this story, I'll tell you. But you gotta ask. ;)

**Disclaimer: **.ohsukaH uY uY nwo ton od I

If you can read this without a magnifying glass, you do not need glasses.

**You Can't See Me**

**Chapter 6 - Untouchable**

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

"So...you broke your mirror?"

"Hn."

"And that's when you decided to cut yourself with the box cutter?"

"No."

"Oh. Well, what did you do after you broke your mirror?"

"How is that relevent?"

I hate this. I hate this ridiculous charade they're putting me through. He knows it. And they know it. But it makes them feel better inside.

"Please answer the question Ms. Yukimura."

"And if I don't?"

"There's no need to be hostile, Keiko. If you don't mind, may I call you Keiko?"

"Yes, there is. Yes, I do. No, you may not."

Waste of time. Waste of money. Waste of my intelligence. So I've decided to waste their time. I've flattened my voice to a monotone, and I refuse to answer any question that pompous windbag throws at me. I enjoy seeing him throw himself against my wall of resistance.

Sigh.

"Ms. Yukimura. I know that your friend's memory loss has disturbed you, but..."

Now there's an interesting choice of words. My "friend's" memory loss has "disturbed" me? What kind of moronic, overpaid, underweight, mindless, psychotic shrink have they sent me to? Are they really expecting me to just..break down? Confess my deepest darkest emotions? What, you want me to blubber all over myself and admit that I've been selfish?

This whole thing is laughable. I sat there listening to a pathetic wretch of a human tell me what _he_ thinks my problems are, and all I could think about was how much I wanted to laugh in his face. He thinks I'm "denying what happened" and "surpressing my feelings". No. I'm shouting them out to the world.

I don't have a "problem". I've simply undergone a massive personality change. It's that simple. He thinks that he can magically pinpoint my problem and cure it just because he took a few classes for it and gets paid a few dollars for it. Well, let his eyes open and the acid pour in. He can't touch me. He can't touch my thoughts, my feelings, my depravity.

Let him try. I won't crack. I won't break. Never. Let them try to break the barriers around me. They won't make so much as a dent. I refuse to return to that world. I refuse to go on living clinging to false shreds of hope. I refuse to give in to them. I will not allow myself to let go of the only thing I have left that is truly me.

But in truth, without Yusuke there is no me. I have built myself around him. Sure. Even if I had never met him, I would still have gone on, still would have been the perfect dream child, apple of my parents' eye. Perfect grades, perfect manners, perfect looks, perfect life. But I did meet him. And somewhere along the road I discovered that I didn't want to be perfect. I just wanted to be with him. As a friend, lover, it never mattered. Because he is everything that the perfect human would be. He is perfect _because_ he has so many faults. I wouldn't want him if he didn't.

And it is this part of me that has become untouchable. Unbreakable. Even my self-immolation can not touch it. And it's this small spark of flame burning in me that keeps me going. Maybe, in the end, when this is all over, whether Yusuke ever regains his memory or not, maybe I will know myself a little better.

Maybe someday I'll be able to stand on my own, as strong as he is. And maybe on that day I'll be able to look him in the eye as an equal. Because that's what I want to be. He deserves a woman who has the same iron will, the same unbending hardcore determination that blazes in his eyes. And that is the person I want to be.

If this is what it takes, then I'm willing to walk through Hell and back to be with him. I'm willing to sit here with this sad wretch of a man who knows nothing of what life's about and listen to him complain about why I'm not making any progess. And maybe...just maybe..I'm willing to accept Kuwabara as Spirit Detective. For now.

But do not think for a minute that I'm giving up. As mortals we can only adapt to our present situations and surroundings. So that's what I'll do. I'll adapt, conform, blend in. And maybe after all this I'll have earned my happiness. Everything revolves around 'maybes' and 'ifs'. But that's the only thing worth clinging to.

If I have to claw my way back to the light, then let it be so. I refuse to rot as a shell of a human for the rest of my life. And I refuse to let him go on living that lie. I will find a way to set him free from that horrible prison he's been confined to. But first, the prison guard has to go. She is the one who is building the walls around him. As long as he is with her, he will never remember. Not me, nor any other part of his life.

So, before I could do that, I had to escape my own prison. Unfortunately, the door to the room was locked from the outside. But really, that didn't matter. The doctor, dear man,had a Buddha statue sitting on his desk. So, making use of my surroundings, I used that to break the doorknob off and thus make my escape.

"Ms. Yukimura, wait! You have just damaged my property and you still have 45 minutes left in our session!"

Very slowy I turned to face him. Expressionless. Does he expect an apology? If so, I don't know why he's searching for it from me. But he expects an answer. Why deny it? A slow, catlike smile crept up on my face, quite eerie from his point of view, I imagine. Then in a normal tone of voice, I answered.

"Fuck you. Have a nice day."

And walked out the door.

_You can't touch me._


	7. Beloved

**Author's Note:** Wow. How long has it been since I've updated this story? A loooong time, far too long for you guys, I know. But it's hard to write this story without a set plot and I have to be in the right mindframe. Well, now I'm in the right mood, so here it goes. I really don't know how much longer this story's going to be. I dread writing it because it takes so much out of me. But I'll give it a go.

**Disclaimer:** All trademarks of Yu Yu Hakusho belong to Togashi-sama

**You Can't See Me**

**Chapter 7 - Beloved**

Monday morning. Back to my prison. But now I'm jingling the keys in my pocket and if I have to bend the bars to get out, well, heh...I'll do anything. You'd laugh if you had seen the looks on my parents' faces after the therapist told them what happened in his office. I actually really smiled for the first time when they told me I was grounded. It just felt so good. Maybe the smile didn't really reach my eyes, and maybe it was a bitter, self-satisfied smirk, but still...it was all I had, and it was mine. My parents told me I wasn't allowed to stay in the house, except for meals, sleeping, and studying. I guess they want me to reassimilate back into the world. How foolish...do they honestly expect me to go out and regain my life after three weeks of being tossed out into the "cold, cruel world"? I think their minds have been fried by the heat from the years spent cooking over hot stoves and ovens. They should know better.

But back to the present. I reached the school, early as usual. I climbed the stairs to the roof slowly, knowing what I'd find there. And I wasn't wrong. _He_ was there, slumped against the wall and sitting on the ground, legs outstretched. _She_ was sitting on top of him, straddling his hips. Her hands were buried in his impossibly dark hair, messing it up and making it look ridiculous. That made me angry...I wanted to break every one of her fingers. But at the same time I was also glad that he no longer wore his hair slicked back. He hadn't since the accident. I felt like that part of him was MINE to do what I pleased with. Not that I granted her any part of him, but still...she had no right to touch him. None.

She had not earned the right to breathe the same air he did. And though I didn't consider even myself worthy at the moment, I knew that I had stood by him through terrible ordeals. Yuki wasn't the one kidnapped by Hiei. Yuki wasn't the one that Suzaku had used against him. Yuki had not fought tooth and nail to reach an uncharted island only to be surrounded by vicious, bloodthirsty youkai and watch Yusuke suffer the death of his mentor and nearly kill himself trying to defeat her murderer and the strongest opponent he'd ever come up against. Yuki wasn't there for ANY of that. I was. I was there, terrified out of my mind when I thought he would be slaughtered by a green freak covered in eyes. I was there, running for my life and protecting Botan when youkai insects swarmed the earth as Yusuke battled to save the world and protect me. Not her. Me. I was the one who fought my way to that wretched island, who put up with the disgusting leers of unsated demons. I held him while he slept. I was the one who encouraged him, tried to give him hope when it seemed like his light had gone out. I was the one who sat in the hospital with him for three weeks after the accident and refused to let go of his hand.

I was the one who brought him back to this world. If I hadn't had the ability to forgive every little stupid thing he'd ever done to me, if I hadn't saved his body from that fire, if I hadn't heard him calling out to me in my dreams, if Atsuko and I hadn't found him alive in his coffin, if I hadn't found the key to his apartment in time, if I hadn't kissed him, if I hadn't given him some of my life's energy...if I didn't love him...there would be no Urameshi Yusuke. He would be dead. He wouldn't exist. But he does exist. He is alive. He breathes, he smiles, he laughs, he fights, he loves...because of me. Not her...NOT HER.

So as far as I'm concerned, little miss priss is going to have to learn where she stands. And when I'm done, where she stands will not be within a hundred miles of MY Yusuke. I have stood aside for far too long now. I stayed away, because I wanted him to be happy. I stayed away, because I didn't want him to see how empty and devoid of life I am without him. But this girl...Yuki...she can not make him happy. She does not know what it means to live. She's another one of those shadow people who exist without truly living. So. Even if Yusuke never remembers me, even if he never smiles at me like he used to again, even if he finds someone else, someone who is not me, I will always protect him from people like her. She has done nothing to earn his love, nor my respect, and for that she's got to go. If I thought even for one second that she could make him happy, I would leave them alone. I would disappear from his life entirely. But I know she can't make him truly happy. Not even close. I've never been jealous of her, because I know she is nothing.

Yusuke turned to look at me, a friendly smile on his face. Yuki's face bore distinct traces of irritation, but she masked it quickly with a clearly fake polite smile. Yusuke gently pushed Yuki off of him and stood up. "Hey Yukimura, I didn't know you got here this early. Probably wanted to study for that English test, eh?" He scratched the back of his head nervously, an old habit that tore at my heartstrings. Yuki's reception, however, was a bit less welcome. "Yeah, Yukimura. Just what _are_ you doing here this early?" Her voice had a hard edge to it, and her eyes glared venemously at me from behind the safety of Yusuke's back. Inside I was smiling grimly, but on the outside it was a normal, polite smile. It was time for her to go.

"Actually, Yuki, I was looking for you. The spring festival is coming up soon, and you have such good taste. I was hoping you'd help me with decorations." I wanted to puke at hearing the false, flattering sweetness in my voice. Yuki herself was looking pretty incredulous. But being the stupid, egotistical girl that she was, she bought it. "Well, I _do_, have pretty good taste, so it doesn't really surprise me that you'd ask me for help. After all," she took this moment to flip her long, bleached blonde hair, "I'm such a good person, how could I possibly say no?" Inside I was barfing. I wanted to throw a rock at her head and laugh my ass off when she fell from the roof. Patience, Keiko. All in due time. I could wait ten minutes.

Yusuke looked thoughtful. "That sounds cool. I think I'll go study for that English test anyway. See you later, Yuki. Good look, Yukimura." And so he left us, two bitter enemies staring each other down. The fake, polite smiles were gone, replaced by a glaring hatred and sneering, derisive smiles. Yuki 'hmphed' and strutted around the roof, as if to emphasize her obvious superiority. "Finally. So what is it you _really_ want, Yukimura? Come to tell me you've finally given up? 'Cause face it, hun. Yusuke's mine. Get the picture?" she sneered.

I heard the words leave my mouth. I felt the extreme self-satisfaction at saying them. I felt victory at seeing the hideous distortion of her pretty face. There is something so good about feeling after you've been numb for so long. Oh God...I could hear it...the tightly controlled rage in my voice...the barely restrained violence...I could feel the intense emotions radiating from my eyes: hatred, bitterness, resentment, fury..and it never felt so good. I was no longer numb. I was on fire from my anger. And I was going to make her burn.

"What is it that everyone likes about you, Yuki? Maybe it's that gorgeous blonde hair. Maybe it's your flawless face, your full lips and big blue eyes. Maybe it's your hourglass figure and long legs. Maybe. Because it sure as hell can't be your personality. You're a manipulative, controlling, egomaniacal bitch who likes to play with people like they're your puppets. Well, let me pull your head out of your ass long enough to tell you that I am not your puppet. And neither is Yusuke. You think you can pull my strings? Do you want me to be miserable because Yusuke cared about me more than anybody else? Is that it? I think you're jealous of me, Yuki. You're jealous because Yusuke never treats you like he treated me. You can't be his best friend. You can't be his lover. All you are is a common tramp who likes to collect pretty things and throws a tantrum when you don't get your way. You like to be the queen bee and have control over everyone else's life. Guess what, sweetie. Your reign's over. I'm taking back what's mine. Truth be told, I'd love to break your neck. But I guess I'll just settle for messing up your face."

My fist collided with her face. I heard the cartilidge in her nose crunch, and I knew I'd broken it. She was the first person I'd ever punched with the intent to really hurt. I hoped she would choke on the blood now streaming down her face. And somehow in that moment, I knew the old Yusuke would be so proud of me. I never bothered to consider what his replacement would think. I didn't care. The jailor was gone, and now all I had to do was figure out a way to open the cell. I **would** make him remember me, even if it took the rest of my life. I owed him that. I owed it to myself. I knew I had earned the right to be with him, and I don't think the old Yusuke would want anybody else.

Yuki was screaming at me, but of course I wasn't listening to a word she was saying. Not that much of it made much sense anyway, seeing as how her face was drenched in blood from her nose. I heard something about her 'beautiful, award winning face' and how I'd permanently ruined her clothes, but I only laughed. It was the first time in a long time that I'd laughed, and that too felt good. I was laughing as I skipped down the stairs, all the way down the hall to my first period. I felt alive for the first time in months, and the adrenaline rushing through my veins gave me a high that I hadn't experienced in a long time. I wondered if Yusuke had felt like this after defeating his stronger opponents. In my head I could see him smirking at me, giving me that thumbs up. _Bang._ I halted. That memory...I felt a wistful smile cross my face.

"Bang," I whispered.

**Author's Note: Yeah, folks, it's been a while. Last time I updated I was fifteen, and now I'm seventeen. Kind of rather sad, I know. And I'm truly sorry. Anyway. As I was writing this I was thinking that there should so be a Keiko Appreciation Day. She totally deserves it. I hope this chapter makes up for me not having updated it in so long, I put a lot of emotion into it. And just because I know SOMEBODY'S going to ask, because somebody always does ask, NO, this is not the end. Not close. Hope you enjoyed chapter 7! -Alicia**


	8. Stolen

**Disclaimer:** Me no own. You no sue.

**You Can't See Me**

**Chapter 8 - Stolen**

To me, the funniest part of the incident with Yuki was the fact that none of the teachers believed her when she told them what I had done. She whined piteously for days on end, hoping to garner some sympathy and promises of retribution from any corner, but there was none to be found. They didn't even believe _me_ when I confessed out of pure amusement. So Her Majesty seethed and fumed, but in the end she was ignored. Welcome to the real world, sweety.

Maybe someday, when I really want to piss her off even more than I've already done, I'll tell her how I saw Yusuke laugh when she went snivelling to him, begging him to do something about me. According to him, I'm "harmless as a fly". Ha. If Yusuke had any memory of me, he would be telling her she was lucky that I didn't hit her half as hard as I whalloped him. Maybe I should have. Oh well. I'll save that for another day. But the issue that concerns me now is whatever Yuki's planning in revenge. Because girls like that don't like being pushed around and laughed at. She'll pull something nasty out of her sleeve, and I have the feeling that if I let her get to me that it could reopen scars that I've been desperately trying to heal. Knowing her, she'd pull something about Yusuke getting her pregnant or something of the sort. Maybe she should. It would give me a clear cut reason to murder her.

Though still savoring my triumph, the weariness and tired resignation came back to me, as I knew it inevitably would. I can't escape it for long. Even if I do manage to shove Yuki out of the picture forever, that doesn't mean Yusuke will ever regain his memories of us and who he used to be. I say that I'll be fine as long as he's happy with someone I approve of, but would I really be? Will I ever really be okay again if he doesn't remember? The dominant part of me is in denial and telling me that as long as he's in this world I can survive. But there's a tiny part of me that I've buried deep that knows intuitively that I won't. I won't ever be whole unless I'm with him. I would never be able to stand watching him be happy and live his life with someone else. I'm too much the jealous type. Gods, I even got jealous when he spent long periods of time around Botan. So how would I ever handle watching quietly from the shadows as he has a family and grows old with someone else?

As Yusuke's girlfriend, I'd always had to be an optimist. I had to hope that he'd be alright. I had to hope that he'd come home, preferably in one piece. I was always his reason to come back, to stay alive. But what about now? Now that I've been wiped off of the whiteboard of his life, what reason does he have to try to remember who he was? Honestly, he seems happier. He doesn't brood anymore, he doesn't get in fights. He doesn't worry about the fate of the world. He doesn't have to worry about who's trying to kidnap me or use me against him.

I should be happy that he's had a second chance at a completely normal life. There's a lot of things I _should_ be. I should be grateful he's alive. I should be grateful that Kuwabara is taking his place as Spirit Detective so that the world can be safe. I should be trying to move on with my life. I should be trying to heal. I should try to focus on something other than these negative thoughts that cover my mind like a dense fog. I should be trying to let him go. I should definitely stop cutting. I should stop making everyone worry about me, especially when there's so many more important things than me to worry about. I should be happy. That's what Yusuke would want.

But...I'm not.

I'm cold and miserable on the inside. I'm distant and completely unapproachable by other people. I'm jealous of stupid Yuki, though I will never admit that to her, but she probably knows it. Then again, she thinks everyone is jealous of her. I'm lonely...more-so than anyone knows. I miss him...I miss him so fucking bad...and nobody knows...and nobody cares...No one cares that I'm turning into this bitter person in front of their eyes. Nobody has reached out to help me. Except that shrink, but he doesn't count because he was only paid to do it. Nobody understands. Nobody tries to.

Alright. Enough with this pity party. There are things to do. Such as being alert for Yuki's revenge. And getting ready for High school entrance exams. Sigh. Such a pain.

So...when I arrived at school, all was quiet and appeared to be normal. Things had been decidedly too quiet since Yusuke and Kuwabara were no longer at each others' throats. Kuwabara no longer got into other fights around campus and town as well. It was though we were all changing with Yusuke. I made my way to the school's entrance, the blinding sun in my eyes the whole time. Maybe I should invest in some sun glasses. It would spare other people the nightmare of having to see my constantly bloodshot eyes.

There was the usual chitter chatter of before-school activity, students clogging the halls like cholesteral in veins and arteries. There were no more stares, people had grown too used to my new self by now to be shocked anymore. I made my way to the student council meeting room, where I kept all my folders as class representative (I was now seriously considering resigning that position. I felt like I no longer had the energy or drive to keep up with the trivial details). There was no one here, not unusual considering everyone knew this was my morning haunt and so avoided it like the plague.

But something was off. Something was wrong. And I knew immediately the source of the wrongness. Somebody had been in here, tampering. Gee, I wonder who. Looking over, I saw a video tape laying on top of the copy machine. Picking up, I noticed the label which said 'YUKIMURA' in bold, ridiculously curly letters. How nice of Yuki to give me one of her homemade pornography tapes. Psht. Whatever is on that tape, it was designed to hurt me. To watch or not to watch? Hm...

I knew I shouldn't. There was no way I wanted to give her the satisfaction. But the curiousity was eating me alive. I wanted to know just what it was that she thought would tear me into a million little pieces. More than likely it had something to do with her and Yusuke. So, making sure the door was locked and a shade pulled down over the window in the door, I popped the tape into the VCR. Bracing myself for whatever was to come, I pulled myself up onto one of the desks and refused to give in to my unease.

The room was dark, and the camera shook as it was set onto a flat surface. A dim light flicked on in the corner of the room. It emitted enough light to reveal a sleeping body in the corner of the room. I knew that room. I had been in it a thousand times. And I knew the sleeper as well.

Yusuke.

Suddenly Yuki walked into the frame, wearing an almost...demonic smile. Her low laugh made my gut clench with sudden forboding.

"So, Yukimura..." she purred, her eyes narrowing to slits, glowing eerily in the half-light. My hated rival slunk across the room like a cat, coming to sit down beside Yusuke on his futon. She laughed again and my apprehension increased.

"You were right the whole time," she murmured, "I'm bad for Yusuke."

Yusuke began to toss and turn in his sleep. I could faintly hear wild mutterings coming from him, but could not understand them. His brow was creased, as if he were in pain. My heart ached. His breathing became rapid, and I could see his pulse hammering in his throat. His mutterings became louder and more frantic now, and finally I recognized my name being gasped out. My throat clenched. How long had it been since I'd heard him call my name? Weeks? Months? I didn't know. I'd lost count.

And then he started screaming.

"Keiko...!!"

He was arching off the floor now, twisted in the sheets. Sweat drenched his face and neck, and I yearned to reach out and hold his hand and promise that everything would be alright. He was almost hyperventilating now and his screams were getting louder. What kind of horrible nightmares were he trapped in? Memories, maybe? Or horrifying vivd images that his mind was creating?

"**KEIKO**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Above Yusuke's screams I heard Yuki's high-pitched peals of laughter. I tore my gaze away from Yusuke and forced myself to focus on her face. And then something happened that I never saw coming.

I watched in horror as Yuki's teeth elongated into fangs, her eyes yellowing like jaundice, and her skin mutated until it was a disgusting shade of purple. Boils erupted on her skin, and her nails became razor-sharp. Her once bleach-blonde hair became lank and greasy and faded to a dull brown. On her face was a cruel and hideous smile, her laughter still ringing in the room.

"He screams like this every night, you know," demon Yuki hissed. "He calls out for you every night and you're never there to ease his pain."

Yuki brushed back Yusuke's sweaty bangs with one of her taloned claws and smiled hideously. "But sweet, loving Yuki was there every night to make the bad dreams of the evil, heartless girl go away." The demon girl rested her hand on Yusuke's forehead, and both began to glow bright blue. I watched, sickened, knowing what was happening. What had been happening all along.

I didn't need Botan or Koenma to explain the mechanics to know what "Yuki" had been doing for the past months. She had been using her demonic energy to create a fog over Yusuke's memories. It was she who caused Yusuke's pain, and my pain as well. She who was withholding everything dear to me. As long as he was within her grasp, Yusuke's memories would remain buried within his subconscious and he would never be free. And neither would I. I felt a moment's wild hope that now that I had the knowledge of her true identity, I could kill her. But that hope was dashed within seconds, knowing I couldn't use the same spiritual power that Yusuke and his friends tapped into. But maybe...maybe I could wake him up. Until his memories returned, his spirit energy would also remain dormant as well. But I could get him to remember everything, then he undoubtedly would very enthusiastically throw her into the lowest regions of the Netherworld.

But how?

I turned my attention back to the tape. "Yuki" was crooning softly and cradling Yusuke's head in her lap. I strained to hear her words.

"Don't worry, darling, Yuki won't let the bad girl get you. By the time she sees this, we'll be hiding far away. Far away where she'll never find us or bother us every again..."

I'd heard more than enough. I jammed the stop button on the VCR and stuffed the tape into my bag. Wrenching the door open, I threw myself down the hallway at a speed I didn't think was possible for me. I was outside and flat-out running down the street in less than two minutes. As I ran, I dug frantically in my bag for the little glass mirror communicator that Botan had given me in case of emergency. I was pretty sure this constituted an emergency.

"Come on, come on, pick up..." I growled, panic and impatience winning over.

At last, after several rings, Botan answered. She looked surprised.

"Keiko...? What's wrong, dear? You look positively alarmed!" Her face was creased with worry, but I didn't have time to worry about her sensibilities now.

"Not now, Botan. Meet me at Yusuke's place, ASAP!" I kept running, had to keep running until I got there. I felt like my heart and brain were going to explode.

"O...ok..." She stuttered.

"Right. I'll see you there." I snapped the compact shut and kept running.

**-**

**And that, my friends, is the end of chapter 8. I swear, the idea for this just came out of nowhere and hit me like a freight train. Kicked up the suspense a little, eh? Tell me what you think, in nice long juicy reviews. :D The button is your friend.**


	9. Unveiled

-1**Author's Note: Whee! Today's YCSM's third birthday! Rather sad that it's taken this long, actually...Thank yous to all my lovely reviewers, who get a hug and a cookie apiece. Yay! I realize the ending of the last chapter sounds kind of rushed, but that's probably because my inspiration came at 1:30 in the morning and I wanted to go to bed. But I do plan to update a bit faster from now on. Or at least I'll try to. Just don't hurt me. x)**

**Disclaimer:**** Things I Don't Own: The rights to the characters or plot of YuYu Hakusho. **

**Things I Own: Zilch.**

**You Can't See Me**

**Chapter 9 - Unveiled**

My lungs were going to explode in a few seconds, but I couldn't stop running. I was pretty sure I was going to fall over right then and there from the incredibly painful stitch in my side. But I would not. Could not. There was too much at stake. And the frustrating part was knowing Botan was going to get there before I did even though I'd been halfway there when I'd given her the message to meet me. Damn ferrygirls and their flying oars. Another irritating realization also made itself known. My parents were right, I did need to get out of the house and exercise more. Gym class clearly wasn't cutting it. Then, finally, I reached Yusuke's apartment building.

And then I remembered the stairs. ...Dammit.

After many agonizing, torturous minutes of climbing stairs and stubbornly refusing to give myself any rest, I reached Yusuke's apartment. With Yuki around so often, Atsuko was out drinking more often than not these days, so I didn't have to worry about her being home. I didn't even need to reach for the doorknob when Botan yanked it open and pulled me inside. I paced frantically, trying to catch my breath while Botan stared at me, alarmed.

"Keiko, what in the world is going on? Is someone trying to hurt you? What's all this fuss about? And why are we meeting _here_ of all places?" Botan grabbed my shoulders to stop my pacing, forcing me to face her directly. Her eyes widened, and I knew she could see the panic and frustration in mine. I pulled away wordlessly, and dug the tape out of my bag. I shoved it in the VCR and jammed the Play button.

I didn't watch the tape again. I tried to block out Yusuke's screams. So I watched Botan's face instead. At first she looked confused and curious. But as the scene progressed, she blanched and went white as a sheet. I hate to think of what my face looked like when I saw it. Leaning against a counter, her hands gripped it hard until her knuckles turned white. She was gasping in horror in all the right places, like it was some new teen horror movie. When it was over she had her hand over her mouth and I could see tears pouring down her face. It made me feel like I'd underreacted.

Botan turned to me. "Oh kami-sama...how could we not have known?!?! I must tell Koenma immediately!"

As she contacted Koenma, I slid down the wall and buried my face in my hands. Really, how did I not see it? I realize that demon identification isn't my specialty, but still...I should have at least considered the possibility. And as much as I hated to admit it to myself, even if Yuki wasn't a demon I still should have done something about her a long time ago. I moaned and wailed about how much I missed Yusuke and how useless I was without him, but what had I done to fight for him? Nothing. I had sat back and all I had done was feel sorry for myself. How pathetic was I?

Well that was going to change. Starting now. As soon as Botan finished with contacting the Reikai Tantei, I was going to hunt her down. With or without them. There would be no question of them leaving me behind. Not this time. I knew things they didn't, and this time I was not going to sit by and watch the person who was my whole world suffer anymore. And this fight with "Yuki" or whoever she was was beyond personal. I was done grieving and being pathetic. It was time to kick some ugly-boyfriend-stealing-demonic ass.

I heard footsteps outside the door, indicating that it had not taken Hiei and Kurama long to get here. I heard Koenma's voice outside the door as well. I stood up and straightened my face just as they entered, all of them looking very grave. But this was nothing new. No one spoke until Kuwabara arrived a few moments later, looking for all the world like a raging bull. No doubt he was furious at the kidnapping of his best friend slash rival by some succubus.

"Alright, where's this bitch and what did she do with Urameshi?!" he demanded. His hands were fisted so hard I thought he was going to break his own fingers. It was almost a relief to see someone angry and not all somber looking. I looked down and realized my own fists were clenched. And then it dawned on me that I really was violently angry. So angry I could kill someone. I guess I still wasn't used to any sensations other than numbness.

The tape was played again for the benefit of everyone who hadn't yet seen it, but I couldn't concentrate on it or the plans they discussed afterward. I couldn't focus on anything beyond the desire to rip Yuki to pieces, to exact every ounce of misery she'd put me through, and any other retribution I could think of. There was no question of her paying for what she'd done to Yusuke. My only problem was that nothing seemed horrible enough to do to her.

"...so it's settled then. Kuwabara and Hiei will make a sweep of the forests and Kurama and Botan will scour the city. I, meanwhile, will contact Ayame and have her see what she can find on this demon in the underground." Koenma paused here and sighed, looking older than ever, even for a teenager. He looked at every face long and hard. Every face except mine. "I don't need to tell you all how important it is that we find this demon. I know Yusuke is dear to all of you, even if you don't like to admit it." Koenma flashed a small grin in Hiei's direction. Hiei grunted and looked away.

"Right...," Koenma resumed, "So let's get going".

I coughed loudly. They all turned to stare at me as though noticing me for the first time. Apparently they also thought I was crazy. By this point I wasn't sure myself. But I'd be damned if I let them leave me behind.

"I'm going too," I said quietly.

There was an uncomfortable silence as everyone looked at each other, trying to figure out what to do about the "extra". I wasn't surprised. I knew they wouldn't want to have to drag me along. Well, too bad for them. I was inviting myself. Botan was the first to speak. "Keiko...I don't know if that would be a good idea..." I stared at her hard, and she backed down. Hiei, however, wasn't so easily intimidated. "You'd be a hindrance, an inconvenience. It would be foolish to have you along, slowing us down."

Hiei and I spent the next five minutes in a heated staring contest, neither able to out-intimidate the other. Even his stupid Jagan and demonic red eyes weren't enough to scare me. The tension in the room could be cut with a knife, and Kurama stepped in to ease it. Hiei glared at the thief kitsune whose hand rested on his shoulder and finally looked away. I wasn't going to beg or pleade with them to take me, if that's what they wanted. Kurama looked at me thoughtfully for a moment and sighed.

"I can see that you're not going to relent on this. Very well, I think we should take you along. You probably know more about this girl or demon or whatever she is than the rest of us. You'll go with me and Botan. Do you have any idea where we should start?" The tension in my chest eased with the knowledge that I would not be left behind. I thought for a moment. Where in the world would Yuki take Yusuke? Where the hell did she live anyway? Then it hit me. There was a way to find out.

"The school records..." I started slowly. They looked at me in surprise. Apparently it hadn't occured to them. "Her school record should show her home address, or wherever it is that she's hiding. I doubt she'd be paranoid enough to give a fake one. She probably thinks there's no way we'd ever think to check. We'll have to sneak into the office, but that shouldn't be too hard."

Kurama nodded, smiling. "That's where we'll start then. Let's get going."

Half an hour later, Botan, Kurama, and I were rifling through the permanent records in Takanawa-sensei's office. Kurama had made quick work of any locks, so we really didn't have any obstacles to worry about, other than that bastard Uwamoto skulking around. The only hindrance we faced was the fact that I had no idea what Yuki's surname was. I'd never cared enough to find out. So the three of us were forced to sit there searching meticulously through the records for Yuki's file. Just another reason for me to hate her.

"Here it is!" Botan chimed in a singsong voice that grated on my nerves. She slapped it on the desk, and we all eagerly bent over it. And there, right in the middle of the page, was the address we were looking for. Shockingly enough, Yuki lived way out of town, way out of this school district. Obviously she had gone way out of her way to get at Yusuke. Why though?

Kurama put the papers back inside the file and stuffed it under his arm. "I don't think they'll be needing this anymore," he said with a small smile. "Not after I get done with her..." I muttered under my breath. Kurama threw me a sharp glance. He had probably guessed my intentions by now, and I could tell he wasn't pleased. But he said nothing about it. For the time being anyway.

"Now that we have this, we should get back to the others. I'll call them and we'll set up a meeting place and discuss strategy." Botan flipped open her compact and began speaking to Kuwabara. Kurama pulled me aside, away from Botan. I knew what he was going to say, but I let him get it out anyway.

"Keiko, I know what you're thinking and it's too dangerous. Let us handle this demon, it's our job." He smiled then, but the stubborn expression remained on my face. No way was I backing down. I sighed and looked away. "Kurama...has there ever been anybody you wanted to protect more than anything? Someone you loved so much that you'd give anything in the world just to make them happy?" Kurama pursed his lips. "Yes," he smiled again, "my mother, Shiori."

"Then you understand. Yusuke has always been there to protect me, has saved me from any danger. And now that it's him in danger, I can't just sit back and let someone else save him for me. This is more than just a personal vendetta against Yuki. This is about saving the other half of myself. I have to be the one to do it. I can feel it. So please don't try to stop me."

Kurama sighed and grinned ruefully at me. "I guess I have no choice."

Botan finished her conversation and walked over to us. "Ready to go?"

I grinned at the both of them, beginning to feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins again.

"You know it! Let's go bring Yusuke home!"

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**And that, ladies and gents, was chapter 9. And it didn't take years. ;D Next chapter, they begin the hunt for Yusuke and his demon captor. Show some love, and I update faster. -winkwinknudgenudge- Yay! The old Keiko is coming back! And she's going to go Rambo on Yuki's ass. xD Anyway, again I thank all my beautimus lovely reviewers whom I love more than life itself. But not more than chocolate. Mwa ha. Chapter 10 coming soon, folks! The Review button needs attention! ;p**


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